RetroGame FunClub: 2010-09-26

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Pit-Fighter

Retro(game)spective

Every day Ben “Ben Pack” Pack or one of his brave compatriots will play a retro game, and break it down for you. That’s right, every day. To complain about us eventually missing a day or suggest your own, go ahead and comment below the article, or email us at retrogamefunclub@gmail.com.

10/02/2010

The Game: Pit-Fighter (SNES)

NO GRANDMA, FUCK I SAID PITFALL NOT PIT-FIGHTER.

Release Year: 1990

Skewes: SNES (There were more ports, but they were all so different that I am focusing on the SNES one.)

So what’s it like: “Pit-Fighter” is the worst game ever. Ever. People might say E.T., or Superman 64, but this game makes those look like Shadow of the Colossus.

You're gonna have to pay for that.

“Pit-Fighter” is a fighting game. I think. You play as one of three characters (a kick boxer, a wrestler, and a martial artist) and fight eight other dudes. That’s the story. You can punch, kick, and use a super. If you were to play this game for the first time, you would flail around trying to kick and punch and super your enemies. But if you were like me, you played through this as a child and figured out not only did your parents hate you for buying this, but you could stand over your opponent and punch and punch and punch until you win the game.

HERP DERP DERP

Nobody should have ever played this game, or ever again play this game. I really hope that I was the last person to ever play this, and am really considering a lobotomy to erase any memories of playing this.

Should you go back: No. Never. Even if your family was being held by a kidnapper, and they demanded you play this game for five minutes.

Why is the crowd made out of silly putty?

Should this game be remade: Yes. All the cartridges should be remade into tires or something.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Brain Lord

Brain Lord. The cooler older brother of the Kidney Lord.

Release Year: 1994

Skewes: SNES

So what’s it like: It’s an action RPG. Made by a little company you might have heard of, Enix. Similar in style to a game like “A Link to the Past,“ it is a top-down action RPG. You play the role of a silent protagonist, and after much exposition (who would have guessed there is a lot of story in an Enix game), you must set off to defeat the monsters of five different towers.

Hell yeah it is.

The game plays like most other of the genres. You fight monsters by slashing swords, axes, bows and all sorts of weapons like that. You get gold for defeating enemies and completing the quests, which you can use to buy better weapons and armor. Unlike “A Link to the Past,” you can jump. And this mechanic is put to use a lot in the game, as the player must not only fight, but traverse the levels solving puzzles.

Yeah? You got a Master Sword? Well I can jump.

This game is a lot of fun, and not that well known. The puzzles find a fine line between obvious and dumb, to impossible and requiring a gameFAQ. You can also have two different spirits following you, which allows for some fun customization on your play style.

Cyclops in spandex. The most deadliest of foes.

Should you go back: Yes. Especially if you are a fan of the genre, because it is a good example of how to slightly tweak that sort of game

Should this game be remade: Yes. It would be nice to see more of these games, maybe as downloadable XBA/PSN games. Or an iPhone/DS remake.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Aladdin

Retro(game)spective

Every day (usually) Ben “Ben Pack” Pack or (rarely) one of his brave compatriots (Mike Bachmann again) will play a retro game, and break it down for you. That’s right, every day. To complain about us eventually missing a day or suggest your own, go ahead and comment below the article, or email us at retrogamefunclub@gmail.com.

9/30/10

The Game: Disney's Aladdin

Release Year: 1993

Skewes: While Aladdin was available for multiple platforms, this particular version only appeared on the SNES.

So what's it like: Aladdin harkens back to the days when licensed Disney games were good..... maybe. I'm not sure if this is the general consensus or if I'm just remembering them a lot more fondly than they deserve to be remembered. You play as Aladdin, a young street rat down on his luck. Forgotten by society, he must transcend his status to become a prince in both mind and soul. Accompanied by his trusty monkey Abu, Aladdin will win the heart of the princess and cast away the darkness of the city.

How does he do that? By jumping on heads and throwing apples at shit!

Aladdin's high-steppin' his way to success.

If you were to play this version at the same time as it's genesis counterpart, the first thing you'd notice is that Aladdin has no sword. The first thing other people would notice is that you apparently have four arms, you freak.

Aladdin has a few tricks up his sleeve in lieu of a blade, however. He can handspring off of most enemies and a few poles and stalagmites, he can throw apples, and he can hang from ledges. They come up with a few interesting ways to use these moves throughout the game but really, nothing much changes. The only exceptions are a couple of magic carpet levels. One was pretty cool: You fly through a cave being chased by lava waves and falling rocks. That's cool. The other, you fly around with Princess Jasmine while collecting games. There's literally no way to lose in that level. Worthless.

Unless you're ready to join the mile high club, lets get on with the next level.

Should you go back: Yeah... you might as well. It's really short. This was the first game I played when I got my super nintendo and I was blown away by the graphics at the time so.... can you really trust me?

What's that? He's gonna cut off her hand for stealing an apple?
Why don't you just give him some of the THIRTY-SEVEN APPLES YOU HAVE, ALADDIN??

Should this game be remade: Nah... it wasn't that great... just pretty good.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

This game was made in Japan? You don't say.

Release Year: 2004

Skewes: Gameboy Advance

So what’s it like: The oldest game I’ve done so far, “Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones” is the second Fire Emblem game to be released in North America. The series is one that holds much revere with fans of turn-based RPGs. The game plays from an overmap view where the player, a mysterious commander with an unknown past, must command units to take care of all enemies.

What makes the game unique are two key features. The first is what they call the weapon triangle. There are three different weapon types, each with many different styles. There are lances, axes, and swords. It’s like rock-paper-scissors where lances beat swords, swords beat axes and axes beat lances.

I think I have enough "HIT" for this one.

Another mechanic, unique to games in general, is that if any of your characters (aside from your main character) die, they are dead. Forever. You can restart the missions if you want to keep your party alive, but this makes the player focus a lot more on really thinking out your moves and gives you more of an attachment to your characters.

Aw shucks.

If you are a perfectionist, this can drive you crazy. But other than that, the game is solid all around, a little hard which is just what you want out of a game like this.

Should you go back: Yes. Maybe you can download it in the newly announced Virtual Console for the 3DS.

Should this game be remade: No, because they are still making new games. A portable edition of the game would be nice… again maybe for the 3DS.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Megaman 7

Not as cool as the Megaman 1 box art, though...

Release Year: 1995

Skewes: SNES

So what’s it like: While I try to cover some more obscure titles on here, I like to occasionally stroll down memory lane on these. Such is the case with “Megaman 7.” My most played SNES game ever, I would say that to this day this is my favorite Megaman game of all time. “Megaman 7” is the first non-NES Megaman, where you play as, guess who, Megaman. And guess what, you’re going to go fight Dr. Wily and the mysterious Bass and Treble.

I don't care what you say, but a seven-year-old me reads that as "Base" and "Trouble"

The game features standard Megaman action. You run in stages shooting robots. You fight 8 different stage bosses, each with their own elemental power which you can gain upon defeating them. These powers can be used to counter other bosses and blah blah blah…

Oh no, bubbles, I'm so scared.

Overall it’s just a re-skinned Megaman with a few fantastic adjustments. There are hidden weapons that will upgrade your suit, including a jetpack, a rocket fist and a shield. They make the seemingly impossible boss fight against Wiley at the end (spoilers) bearable. There is also a shop that you can use to buy not only items like extra lives, but weapon upgrades. You can even buy items that will stop you from dying when you fall off edges or touch spikes. Goddamn spikes.

JUST MAKE HIS SUIT IMMUNE TO THE SPIKES!

Should you go back: YES! Megaman games age well with time, as evident in Megaman 9 & 10, both released on modern consoles. Go back and play it if you haven’t.

Should this game be remade: No. Give us another Megaman Legends instead

Monday, September 27, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Altered Beast

That beast is ALTERED

Skewes: Arcade, DOS, Amstrad CPC, MSX, NES, Atari ST, Commodore Amiga, Sega Master System, Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis, PC Engine CD, Commodore 64, Virtual Console, Xbox 360 (XBLA, ZX Spectrum)

So what’s it like: “Altered Beast,” along with “Super Street Fighter II: Championship Addition” have the honors of eating the most of my quarters of any arcade game. A side-scrolling action game, you play as a dead Greek(?) warrior who must once again walk the earth and rescue Zeus’ daughter. To do this you must fight all the horrors of the undead.

Looks like EYE have a problem. You see, because he's shooting eyes.

While fighting, you will stumble across some blue wolf-pig things that will give you power-ups. If you collect three of these you will transform into an altered beast. There is a different beast for each level, as well as a different boss.

You've fucked with the wrong man-beast.

Here’s a surprise, this game is HARD. I, to this day, have not beaten it. Every time I would get to the final level and either run out of quarters or have to go home. You only have so many lives and health, and in the console versions, there are no continues. Some enemies will even get you into constant loops and you will die without a struggle. Another huge problem with the game is the sound. The voice work is shockingly bad, and the sound effects of the beasts are unbearable.

I really hope that's his leg.

Should you go back: Yes. Even with all of its short comings, “Altered Beast,” is fun, but maybe for the wrong reasons.

Should this game be remade: No. Do not let this game “Rise from its grave.”

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Retro(game)spective - Joe & Mac

Joe MAD, JOE SMASH!

Release Year: 1991

Skewes: Arcade, Super NES, Mega Drive/Genesis, Nintendo Entertainment System, Game Boy, Amiga, DOS, Zeebo

So what’s it like: There are a lot of great caveman-themed games out there (not really), but probably the best is a little game known in America as “Joe and Mac.” Originally an arcade game, “Joe and Mac” is a 2D side-scrolling action platformer game where you must beat up everything in your path to rescue your cave ladies.

It wasn't a meteor that made the dinosaurs extinct... it was me.

You fight other cavemen, dinosaurs, and many other hazards along your path. You use a variety of caveman-themed weapons such as rocks, fire, the wheel and of course the old caveman trope, the boomerang. The gameplay is solid, fun and controls great. Like many games of these types of games, you can play with a friend, and totally screw them over.

Hell yeah I did.

Should you go back: Yes. Play with a friend and kill a couple of hours.

Should this game be remade: Yes. There’s room in this world for a new caveman game. The sequels to this game proved that they can change up the formula, but still make it fun.

Retro(game)spectives - X-Men 2: Clone Wars

The X-men: Fighting generic technological backgrounds since 1995.

Release Year: 1995

Skewes: Mega Drive/Genesis

So what’s it like: “X-Men 2: Clone Wars” is a side-scrolling action platformer for the Sega Genesis. Having nothing to do with any Star Wars animated television series’, The game, the second in the series for the Genesis, puts you in the role of one of the X-Men who must beat up some ninjas or things. You are trying to take out some alien race, so sure enough to preserve the dominance of mutants, Magneto joins your team. You can choose him or one of several other X-Men.

Cyclops is a dick.

The gameplay is pretty standard. You move around the stages using basic attacks and mutant powers, some of which can be powered up. Each X-Man has a different power, ranging from Beast’s ground pound, to Cyclops’ optic blast. The game isn’t that interesting, but has an interesting, darker art style.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't cut this big nuclear thing with my sword...

Should you go back: No. Aside from an interesting style, not much is there to back it up in the way of gameplay.

Oh no! That shitty robot from Star Wars Episode Vi is killing Beast!

Should this game be remade: Yes, sort of. A new X-Men game could be good. Not since the isometric views

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